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Love is so challenging — finding it, keeping it, and, most difficult of all, getting love back from the person you've set your heart on. Love is equal parts luck, chemistry, timing, and science.


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Romantic love can feel pretty fantastic. When you love someone, you choose to nurture the first stirrings of attraction, feeding those early feelings and strengthening them to weather stressors to come. The work involved may not always feel easy. Yet many people find the reward — mutual, lasting love — well worth the investment.

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When it comes to falling in love, good looks and a great personality can certainly lure potential mates.

If you want to find a loving partner, here’s what you need to do.

But to get the job done, sometimes it pays to be clever, experts say. Knowing how human beings tend to respond to certain behaviors and social cues can help you turn a fun fling into long-lasting love. The more you interact positively with someone, the more they'll like you, says author and human behavior expert David Lieberman.

And several studies back him up — repeated exposure to practically any stimulus makes us like it more as long as our initial reaction wasn't negative to begin with. Just when you're convinced you've won him over, try being a little less available. A little aloofness instigates the "law of scarcity.

In other words, people often want what they can't have.

By constantly being available to him, you could diminish your value. Try being around and then not around for awhile and you'll give him time to think about how much he likes and wants you. In an effort to measure love scientifically, Harvard psychologist Zick Rubin began recording the amount of time lovers spent staring at one another.

How to make him want you: the most important thing to remember

He discovered that couples who are deeply in love look at each other 75 percent of the time when talking and they're slower to look away when someone else intrudes. In normal conversation, people not in love look at each other between percent of the time. Author's advice to find love.

Look someone in the eye 75 percent of the time and you may be able to trick his brain. The brain remembers the last time someone looked at him like that and it remembers that feelings of love were in the air.

That triggers a release of phenylethylamine PEAa chemical cousin to amphetamines secreted by the nervous system when we first fall in love. Another crucial finding from Rubin's research: couples took longer to look away from one another when a third person ed the conversation.

How to make a man or a woman want you back?

Keeping the focus on your mate when other people start talking could help trigger more PEA floods into his bloodstream. Author and communication expert Leil Lowndes calls this technique making "toffee eyes.

When you eventually drag your eyes away three or four seconds laterdo it slowly and reluctantly — as though they're attached by warm toffee. If you're too shy to gaze at him, skip the toffee stuff and make like a bouncing ball. Turn to the other person who's ed the conversation, but let your eyes bounce back to your guy whenever that third person finishes a sentence.

2. brutal honesty is the best policy.

That's a kind of "checking-in" gesture to show you're interested in your mate's reaction to what's being said. We all know "bedroom eyes" when we see them. But what makes that look of lust so appealing? According to pupillometrics, the science of pupil study, we're responding to our mate's enlarged pupils.

1. know when to make yourself unavailable.

Of course, you can't consciously control your pupils, but you can create the right external conditions to make them pupils bigger. The first step?

Reduce light. Our pupils expand when it's dark — one reason why candlelight is de rigueur in romantic restaurants.

How to make him want you and crave your presence: the secret!

It's not just the softer light that makes our faces appear more attractive, larger pupils help, too. Don't believe me? In a famous University of Chicago study, researchers showed two sets of pictures of a woman's face to a group of men.

The photographs were identical, except for one thing: The pupils in one were doctored to make them look larger. When shown the doctored photograph, men judged the same woman twice as attractive. There were similar when sets of photos of a man's face was shown to women. Our pupils also enlarge when we look at something we like.

How to make someone want you back: are you sure it’s possible?

So if you're really attracted to someone, your pupils are probably already going bonkers. IE 11 is not supported. For an optimal experience visit our site on another browser. Share this —. Follow today.