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Intense people.


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in. But what exactly does the term connote, and is it derogatory? If like me, people have often called you intense, I have some good news, and some bad. Seen this way, being intense means you sense and feel more than the average person. You are more conscious of your internal dialogue than most, and you have more evolved experience-processing abilities.

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By: Lau. Think you are good at connecting and intimacybut somehow always losing friends and partners and feeling alone? You might be mistaking emotional intensity for intimacy. If you are emotionally intense, you will experience feelings in a bigger, more immediate way than an average person.

Everything just seems to affect you more. You will also be less able to control and limit your emotional experiences. It can feel like being an instrument played by life and those around you, and all you can do is be the music.

But such diagnoses are increasingly being connected to trauma responses. So what might it look like to be emotionally intense? It can be things like:. Yet deep down, despite what you see as your apparent gift for relating, you feel very lonely? It can be easy to mistake intensity for intimacy, but they are very different things.

And if you are using emotional intensity in relationships, you are not actually building intimacy but can be destroying it. Intimacy means you are fully yourself around someone, even as you accept them as they are and create an environment they can be fully themselves. Key words here are acceptance, authenticityand trust.

Intensity pushes others to open up faster than they feel comfortable with. And if you are demanding intensity from the other person, always asking big questions, telling them you want more? People with intensity issues also can have an unstable sense of self. Most people who end up an emotionally intense adolescent and adult experienced instability, adverse childhood experiencesor trauma as.

By: Omer Unlu. If you are, for example, born with a sensitive personality, you are more likely to have emotional dysregulation if you epxerience childhood trauma. Like anything, emotional intensity has a positive and negative side. Many people with intensity issues, for example, are also creativesensory, and sympathetic to the suffering of others. Instead of focusing your intensity on your relationships, find a positive outlet, such as volunteeringmaking art, or ing a cause.

Emotions are not bad in and of themselves. They are essential to help us process experiences. The problem comes when we take our emotions out on others, or use others in our obsession with exploring our emotional states.

What is emotional intensity?

Try things like free-form journallingexpressive dancesinging, or drawing out your feelings. Or heck, a punchbag in the garage, if that is what works. The NHS also suggests punching a pillow. Hangovers make the best of us grumpy.

Solving the dilemma

If you have emotional dysregulation, things that affect your moods like binge drinking are best avoided. As are recreational drugsunhealthy eating and bingeingand not sleeping enough. Instead, up your self-care. Eat well and exercise. You can also choose what situations you put yourself in, and who you spend time with. Mindfulness means being fully in the present instead of controlled by your thoughts, and it is something that certain forms of therapy use to help emotional dyregulation and borderline personality disorder.

Why do you feel different?

You can learn it yourself in a day. Therapy can absolutely help with emotional intensity, and can mean you relate to others in healthier ways that leave you less lonely. Ready to stop upsetting those you love and feeling overwhelmed? Not in the city? Use our booking site to find registered therapists across the UK and online therapists you can talk to from anywhere.

Still have a question about emotional intensity? Post below. All comments moderated to protect our readers. Andrea Blundell is the editor and lead writer of this blog. She studied person-centred counselling and likes to write about relationships, trauma, and ADHD. Losing Someone to Suicide - What Now? Christmas Dinner Anxiety? And Can it Help You? If you are a journalist writing about this subject, do get in touch - we may be able to comment or provide a pull quote from a professional therapist.

My girlfriend recently asked my help in helping her with better emotional regulation, and to stabilize her intensity a lot more. What advice would you give to the partner of the emotionally intense person?

Intense people can be invaluableif you know how to bring out the best in them

Hi Alan, great to hear she is seeing a therapist. Also note we said support each other. She also has to respect any need you have for space and to take care of yourself. That could be a matching addiction to drama or to being put down, or hood where we never received the attention we needed, or never felt special. We are saying that a good relationship allows both people time to work on their issues. Make sure you make time for yours, too. Best, HT. Hi I came across your blog and found it very interesting as I am married to a very intense and hypersensitive person.

But how can I handle my husband better?

He has always been dissatisfied with our relationship accusing me of not being committed and not wanting to find connection. Seems like you both need to learn how to communicate in ways that the other understands. He communicates in a way that leaves you feeling attacked, you are somehow without meaning to leaving him feeling unheard.

In the meantime, what about attending some sessions for yourself with a counsellor? It might be a great place for you to gain some fresh perspective on things, learn to voice your own needs and set boundaries in a relationship where you are always being made to feel lacking and are being criticised in, and sometimes if we lead by example and our partner sees how much it is helping us they eventually decide to give it a try themselves. How to Stop an Anxiety Attack. Therapy Tools to Manage Like a Boss. What is Hypnotherapy? Harley Therapy. Can you please give me some advise? Thank you for your time.